New Jersey - haaaaate!

[tamarinne]

My brother is wed (weird, weird)... but that's not what I'm here to write about about.

New Jersey, as far as I'm concerned, can kiss my ass. After autoclaving it's mouth first.

The problem with New Jersey, I think, is that it knows that nobody ever actually wants to go to New Jersey... they're just passing through New Jersey on their way to somewhere good. Consequently, New Jersey is resentful and pissy and takes it out on everyone. The proof:

1. Full service gas. What the hell???? I'll pump my own damn gas, thank you. And where's the rest of my change? What, I'm supposed to TIP you for swabbing the windshield? Back away from my car, punk... just back away...

2. Jersey barriers. I finally understand why they call them that - the entire damn state is CONSTRUCTED of Jersey barriers. I swear I saw a few buildings and possibly even a car made of Jersey barriers.

3. New Jersey Parkway? Garden State Parkway? Garden State Tollway? Stop using all these damn names that aren't in my atlas!!!! Use numbers like a decent highway!!! (note - OK, I know coming from Chicago I don't really have the moral high ground here... 94, after all, changes names four times as it passes through Chicago. STILL, at least when you're driving on it they tell you the number of the road so that you can cross-reference it to your atlas when you get lost!!!)

4. WHAT. IS. THAT. SMELL?!?!!

5. Crabby drivers! White vans that cut you off! Construction everywhere!!!!

6. Oh, and screw you very much, Mapquest. Highway 17 don't play that way.

I do like the names, though.. Paramus! Hackensack! Mahwah! (what is that, an indian word? a settler with a bad lisp? I give up!)


But yeah. I'm in New York, now, and I've had some ice cream and am feeling much better. (Although... Montebello, New York? Buy some street signs. I'm not saying... I'm just saying.)